...not that I like Homer

Just want to laugh my worries away! I love Lisa though!

The Children's Bedroom

If you are a parent, have you ever tried sleeping or napping in your children’s bedroom? I did. Once or twice too many, in the afternoon for siesta, or at night when I’m exhausted. Although, I don’t really sleep there overnight, the few hours or even minutes that I spend lying on any of my children’s bed is truly restful and savvy. I don’t know what magnetic appeal the room has but my mind and body drifts away to sleep instantly upon closing my eyes, a far cry from tossing and turning, trips to the restroom, looking at the clock, flipping and tapping my pillows, and all the difficulties I experience trying to make a sleep when I’m in our matrimonial bedroom. A few years back I mentioned this observation to Abraham and he articulated that I am so restful in their bedroom because it is a children’s room, children doesn’t worry, parents like me worry a lot, so parent's room are full of worries, that is why it’s hard for me to get sleep in my own bedroom. Makes sense…

Last night I came home late from work. On the way to our bedroom I had a glimpse of the children’s bedroom and was delighted to see the room tidy. The books, notebooks, and other things which mess up the small working table were neatly filed. The DVDs, vhs tapes, video games, electronic hardware and other paraphernalia were stocked in their proper places. I commended the two for this cool sight. I think I’m going to hang out there the more.

fogged

I believe in balance, life is a juggle and maintaining balance is a challenge. To have balance in every aspect of your life is pure success. Family, career, friends, social, spiritual - dividing my energy, time, and effort, making sure not one lacks my attention. This is where I work very hard at. This is how my life evolves. I am plus and minus to get the equal.

I am not famous as Harrison Ford, nor a genius like John Jacob Astor IV, certainly not a founder like Father Flanagan, I am nothing compared to these successful July 13 people, but I believe that fate has a way of rewarding me for maintaining balance in my life, regardless of temporary setbacks, trials and obstacles.

Am I still the same person I am two years ago when I quoted the statements above?

Why is the frustration of things not happening the way I wanted them to be dragging me down? Why are my laughs so limited and territorial? Where is the strong-willed woman I used to call “me” a few years back? Why can’t I even write a meaty entry?

Ah...birthday blues…I’m still the old me…just fogged.

We heart this boy!

Monday afternoon, the three of us, Abraham, Lemuel, and I went to Ralph’s with the purpose of buying Lemuel an anagram balloon. The cart was almost filled with everyday essentials when Lemuel said, "Mommy I thought it's about me!" And so we went to the balloon counter. Abraham eyed the biggest "Congrats Grad!" floater and wanted it for his younger brother. After a couple of minutes checking and rechecking, Lemuel said, "I don't need a balloon anyways, just get me Ice Cream!"

We went home with cookies and cream.

Tuesday, Brack and I missed work to attend Lemuel's school affair. He culminated from Elementary with an Academic Excellence Award. After the ceremonies and an important errand, we bought him a McNuggets meal from McDonalds and went home. He is happy.

Lemuel and friends
(Christopher, MM, Bryan, Salvador - he likes peanut butter)

Learning HTML (untold story of a half-hearted programmer)

On the record, Brack and I are now married for 14 years. I should have written an anniversary blog but fatigue had me wanting to sleep than writing about our romantic memoirs. Besides, I thought to myself, too much confessions of love on the web is boring my readers. So this time, let’s forget about me once being a June bride and focus our discussion on my failed aspirations. I dreamed to be a lawyer, a teacher, and a programmer. I pre-qualified at Concord Law School but do not have the $7,500 per semester tuition fee. I wanted to educate children but I got scared…and I wouldn’t like to elaborate further why.

In 2001, when Brack left for the US, with me and the kids left behind, I got so hooked up with the internet even with the dial up modem frustratingly slow (I can still hear the sound of my modem when it connects to my service provider). I was fascinated with the web sites, and even then would want to have one, my own. During that time push button publishing or blogger was not in the blogosphere yet, or they were I just don’t know (but yeah, thanks to blogger, my dream is now a reality).

My employer that time was generous to provide me with a cell phone plan with so many minutes like T-Mobile’s family plan now. But yet, on top of exhausting the minutes of my official talk time, I would still spend around 15% of my bi-monthly salary for phone bills. I call Brack in the morning, at lunch, at night, any day of the week, anytime of the day and night, Philippines or US time, I don’t care. Then one day, I woke up with the bill in my hand, and started thinking of the economics, that time I decided I need to divert my attention to a cheaper alternative which I would also enjoy doing. As I was driving along the CEPZ main road one day, I saw the STI Ad on Web Design, perfect!

I encouraged one of my younger staff and friend Tetchie to join me, initially she doesn’t want to but she eventually did. In class, our instructor would address me as Ma’m, because I’m obviously older than him. I complain a lot and immediately requests for assistance when after typing a ton of codes and tags my browser wouldn’t display what needs to be displayed. Needless to say, Tetchie, who doesn’t have interest in the course learned faster and was able to view her firsts web sites in no time, while I sit there so frustrated and asked our instructor to correct my codes and tags in order that I can move on. Towards the end of the course, we used Front page editor, insultingly I asked why we even bothered to do manual codes in the first place, and the instructor was so irritated with me.

Haphazardly, I learned a programing language, moved to the US in 2002, and after a year of working with my current employer, was sent to a week of intensive training and became an edgariser, among my many functions.

Summing up my story, learning HTML was a passing, my way of curing my lovesickness, of Brack then miles away.

Hmmm. Why does it sound like an anniversary entry after all?

STOP!!! (Imagine this…)

She got out of work fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Drove her SUV to the unusually clear roads to CA-2 Freeway. Dialed on her Motorola soon as she parked inside the Washington Irving compound. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, or eight failed attempts, still can’t reached the person. Grabbed her purse, locked the car, beep beep, walked by the pathway along the benches, straight to LACER room. “Do not use this door, use the main entrance” said the post. Went around, clicked on the door knob, the door was locked. Where are the LACER people?

There was a lady on the field, “Do you see that two tourist buses on the road?” (Pointing by the side street outside the school fence), “they are going to the Dodger game; they are the LACER people going on a field trip.” Wearing her blue green Hawaiian dress, black and blue blazer, bloody red ballet shoes, and green and gray Ralph sunglasses…(to the Madagascar theme) Dan Dan da na nan dan….Dan dan da na nan dan…Dan dan da na nan…She ran across the Olympic sized field, straight to the buses about to leave. With her arms raised up high…she shouted…”Stop!!!” but he is not there, she walked back to her car more worried and irritated. Taking one last shot, walked towards the main building. A lady came out…”who are you looking for?” she asked her. Her cell phone rang…”Mommy, I’m right by the car, I helped Miss Camille at the office, and I didn’t hear my cell phone ring.”

Yes, that was me, looking for Abraham yesterday, he got a hot scolding afterwards.

At night while watching the finale of Dancing with the Stars, I sat on the sofa, with Abraham beside me. I asked, “How can you let Mommy run across that huge football field?” “Oh, that’s exercise; you need to do it sometime.” “How can you let Mommy make a scene like stopping a bus to look for you?” “Oh, just like a love movie, you know when she ran to stop the guy from leaving?”

My boy! My boy!

(this is a 2-year old picture, but Abraham's naughty smile is still as is)

MAXED-OUT!!!

Like a credit card that reached its ceiling limit,

Like tires of a car from a NASCAR race,

Like an athlete who just finished a triathlon,

I’m MAXED OUT! Totally tired

Are you a slave of your site counter?

On a lecture I attended last Saturday, I bumped into a professional web developer and had a short talk on site optimization and site counters.

He asked me what my purpose was in setting up a counter in my blog site. I told him I wanted to know how many people visit my site and I wanted to know basic information about my readers, like where they come from, and sometimes to visit their referring URLs. Aside from that, I also told him, it gives me motivation to write when I see the number on my counter rises.

He asked further how much time I spent reviewing the details of my site meter. I told him not a lot, like one to two minutes (of course I didn’t tell him I only spent few minutes because only a few people visit my site). He told me I’m okay, ‘just making sure I won’t be a slave of my site counter.

He said he know a couple of people who spends longer time analyzing their site counter reports as if doing a statistics project than updating their entries. Further, he said, slowly these people loose their readership because they cannot keep up with the demands of their readers. According to him, regular visitors to a site expect something new each time they drop by, so I should update often, preferably on a schedule, to please my visitors. Furthermore, he said, your site meter will follow to rise.

Hmmm…why does it sound familiar?

The Observatory

The day the kids and I first arrived in Los Angeles one of our first stops was Toy R Us in Los Feliz. On the way there, Brack pointed to that dome-shaped structure on top of the Griffith Mountain and told us, “that is the observatory; we will visit it once it reopens.” The wait took us four long years, a year more and it’s the same wait time as becoming a naturalized American.

Cut the story short, the first weekend it reopened in August last year, we were among the firsts visitors of the place. After the hassle of catching the shuttle bus for visitors, the trip was worth it, at least for Brack and the kids, being Science fanatics. While they tried some equipment and stopped for exhibits, I just walked and took pictures. In fifteen minutes my tour was over, rushed to the top of the building and enjoyed an aerial view of Los Angeles in totality.

The observatory, like the Hollywood sign, is visible from our bedroom window, we see it lighted at night, and it’s a delight to look at. However, I never before took a picture of this nice sight until yesterday. Griffith Park was on fire. I prayed for the fire to be controlled, and it was, the observatory is intact.

Jargons

I once had a boss who is so fond of using jargons in his reports and on meetings that only he can digest. T’was around the 90’s and internet was not yet in bloom so I just relied on my Webster and whenever I don’t find his terminologies in there, I just pretended I understood everything, kept quiet and refrained myself from asking questions.

Later in the same decade, I started my MBA at De La Salle. I didn't enjoy hearing pretentious words. I never imagined myself using jargons until one of my firsts professors in the program told us, one of the things that distinct graduate students from undergraduate students is the use of jargons. He encouraged us to incorporate specialized and technical language from the sophisticated world of business in our presentations, written reports, and class discussions.

Not long after, everybody, myself included, started to use convoluted phrases in class, trying hard to impress one another. My mind boggled with synergies, matrices, strategies, and other terminologies that added complexity to the program. But that was the challenge, and I like being challenged, so I embraced the situation and… Voila! before that first trimester ended, I became like my former boss, jargons became part of my used to be, simple vocabulary.

But those days are gone; I survived the program. I am back to my old me, living with the principle that works in every situation, whenever, wherever… I KISS...(Keep It Simple! - the word for the last letter S is up to you.)

why i'm too tired to post...

Center of my cube - Welcome to my world!

Right side of my cube - awww!!!

Center left - oh please...

Believe me, you wouldn't like to see the leftmost part. Papers, more papers...this is an everyday scenario at my cubicle. When will I hit the lotto jackpot?

What about me?

“What about me?” he asked after reading my birthday blog for Abraham. Even before I responded, Lemuel started browsing my entries in April last year hoping to find a birthday entry for him. Left with nothing to say, I told him I just started writing birthday blogs and will come up with one for his coming birthday.

Lemuel turned eleven a few days ago. I know I should have written this entry earlier had my workload did not consume all my energies and left my ideas dry due to fatigue. Tardy as it is, I’ll make up…the kid deserves a blog and he is looking forward to it.

Abraham was born on a Christmas day; Lemuel came out on a Holy Thursday, forty-four minutes to Good Friday. My OB-Gyne said I always choose the perfect timing. Her husband drove her all the way from Villa Escudero where they are having their Holy Week vacation to slice-up my belly.

Lemuel is not expressive or malambing but he has his own way of showing his affection and concern for us. In fact, he is Abraham’s facilitator. He was delegated all the asking tasks, especially when they wanted new toys or games because Abraham knows it’s hard for us turn down Lemuel. Why because, he asks so nicely and so naive you will feel bad if you deny him outright.

For his first communion preparation retreat three years ago, I wrote Lemuel a letter expressing how we love him and how he made our family happier by just being there. In the letter, I mentioned two incidents where he displayed extra ordinary caring traits and considerate behaviors, incidents worth retelling.

He was two years old and could barely say his sentences completely and clearly. I was standing on top of the kitchen sink arranging the pots and plates on the shelf overhead when he held my feet and said, “baka huhulog ka Mommy” (you might fall Mommy), as if he can hold my weight or prevent my fall.

When he was around four, Brack and I twice argued when we left the keys inside the house and had us locked-outside in the middle of the night for quite sometime. It didn’t happen until a few weeks later for the third time. Just before I started to nag Brack about leaving the keys again, Lemuel reached for his jumper’s chest pocket and handed me the house keys. He said he has been bringing the keys (the spare that stays on top of the fridge) in his pocket each week so we (Brack and I) won’t have to quarrel when we forgot the keys again. A gesture from a kid of four...and we never ever forgot the keys again.

Two years ago, he brought pride to the family when he was certified intellectually gifted by the LAUSD (Los Angeles Unified School District). He will be going to magnet school this fall when he starts middle school. "He excels in Math and very good in Arts, a course combining the two, like Architecture will suit him best," his teacher said.

Lemuel's "No Smoking" slogan poster was best for 2nd graders



His "Happy and Sad" faces in yellow and 3D was one of the best for 5th graders.

His first (of many) Fluency in Math Award

Lemuel wants to be a design engineer someday but he also makes good omelets. He made me a proud mother but there are times his challenge intimidates me. Like one evening he didn’t get my explanation and asked me, to explain again, in scientific way, why onions make us cry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MM!!! (Keep it up baby, all the way to USC!)


Follow up news: We've got a champion! Today 4/13/2007 Lemuel went home with a ribbon, a framed certificate, a huge dictionary, and a Toys R Us gift card as best speller for 5th graders.

early mornings in earlier times

It was still dark yesterday morning when the chirping birds from the big old tree by our bedroom window woke me up so I decided to stay in bed a few more minutes. While I enjoyed nature’s soothing and calming sound, I instantly became nostalgic and my mind drew back in time reminiscing my early morning experiences in my grandparent’s house many, many, years ago. I realized, I’m so far away from the Philippines. I started to miss the country, our home, the time when I was still a little girl living with my grandparents.

I miss our neighbor’s roosters, our chickens and ducks, the sound they make which wakes me up in the morning. I miss the smoke from Aling Tasing’s wood-fuelled stove every time she prepares sweet stuffs and different varieties of kakanin to sell to the market, her transistor radio tuned into the local news with volume loud enough to reach four houses, including ours.

I miss the “Oinks” of Aling Rosy’s pigs as she feed them and clean their pens before daylight. I miss Lola Kikang inspecting her burong labanos contained in giant clay jars. And although the smell that comes out of the jar each time she opens one is horrible, people were crazy with her buro, me included.

I miss the lady vendors selling pansit, suman, and other native treats. Some were selling fish, crabs, and other fresh seafood catches of the early fishermen. Others has smoked and dried fish, both my favorites, and some vegetables. These ladies amuses me with their incredible strength walking along many streets of the city carrying the huge bilao full of goodies above their heads and announcing aloud to everybody what they have for the day. I usually save money for Pansit Malabon, and ask my Lola to wake me up as soon as she hears the pansit lady coming.

Flowers are lovelier in the mornings, and the enticing and romantic scents of Ylang-Ylang, Sampaguita, and Rosal enchants me. The best garden in the neighborhood belongs to Lola Mitang which happened to be on the other side of our fence, however their side of the fence had that thorny bougainvillea in its entirety. But I loved flowers and the colorful butterflies, there's a ton of roses, cactus and exotic plants and trees in their yard and I loved seeing Lola Mitang work on her garden, so each morning, I step on some old bench, stick out my head to take a peek at this lovely sight and risk a pinch or two of bougainvillea thorns.

Soon as the sun shines brighter, I would ran my way up the bahay na tisa, our ancestral home. Entering from the bodega, a cold, and dark storage where piles of clay water jars like those used by Lola Kikang for her burong labanos were buried underneath the soil with lids and covers protruding. The bodega is where my Lolo Ado’s family stores old and wrecked furniture, and other stuff which may have sentimental but no commercial value. On one corner there’s this old metal Spanish Flagpole which adds up my horror, so I would ran as fast as I can straight to the grand staircase and wait for my Lola Goreng, my great grandmother, to walk out of the bedroom with her native wooden cane and watch her sit at the narra rocking chair by the window.

I know I would never again see old women with long hairs in a bun and dressed in baro’t saya, like Lola Kikang, Lola Mitang, and Lola Goreng, nor smell the freshest air the morning.

Great mornings…then.

I was so carried away with the memories and my mind is ready to wander a lot more when Brack entered our room, I noticed he had already taken his shower. It’s time to get up; the hustle and bustle of downtown Los Angeles awaits me.

Foreign words used:

Ale or Aling – a polite word used/placed before the name of older women
Kakanin – varieties of native treat, usually taken during breakfast or snack
Burong labanos – preserved radish in white liquid juice
Pansit – Philippine noodles

Pansit Malabon - noodles prepared as in style of people from Malabon, a town in Cavite
Suman – rice cake rolled and wrapped in banana or coconut leaves
Bilao - a huge and deep round or oval tray made of thick bamboo skins

Lola – tagalog word for grandmother
Lolo – tagalog word for grandfather

Bodega - storage
Rosal – a white Philippine version of rose
Bahay na tisa – house of clay-tile roof
Baro’t saya – Philippine National Costume for women

she lives on...

Not every married woman in the world were blessed with good in-laws or has good relations with their in-laws. Why do you think jokes about in-laws hating each other were all over the place anyways? This is because society had adapted the norm that in-laws don’t get along well with one another and although I heard from people that this is a common situation, my experience is otherwise. I have good relations with mine especially with my mother in-law.

Mommy and I developed this closeness and openness the night we first talked to each other on the phone thirteen years ago. Brack then was living at their house in BF Homes by himself for five years. It was an awkward scenario at first when I picked up the phone and heard her so surprised that a woman was on the other line when she was expecting no one but Brack to pick up the call. Shocked or upset, she cried and hurriedly hunged up, only to call again and requested to speak with me after talking to Brack for a while. She tried to hide it but I felt the disappointment in her voice that Brack may not be able to follow them to the US because of me. But that instance I also sensed her quick acceptance (maybe because she was left with no other choice...just kidding Mommy!), she told me things that made me feel I’m part of the family already. It was the start of many overseas conversations until we moved to California in 2002.

I/we, spent time with Daddy and Mommy only three times since we came to the US. Aside from they lived in Jersey City, work schedules and budget didn’t give us liberty to visit them often, however, the wires were very much open for us and kept us connected. Mommy loved TFC and since we don’t have that subscription, she is more updated with filipino showbiz than I am. This is a regular topic of us, on top of family happenings. We usually talk on weekends but once in a while she would call on weekdays when she said she dreamt of Brack or when she needs to ask me something, usually about the Philippines or some documents. She often reminded us to love each other, to be humble, and to be thankful for the blessings we experience in life.

Last summer we visited them at their new house in Florida, and since it is also our first time in the sunny state, we had a full-schedule going to the attractions in the area. Mommy made sure we won't miss our schedules, she would knock on our door each morning to wake us up with breakfast ready. She tried to please us despite her failing health and poor vision, with Daddy’s help, she cooked good meals.

Mommy’s been sick for a while. She’s been in and out of the hospital the last three months due to complications. Three Sundays ago she asked Daddy to call us but we weren’t able to pick up because we got up late, she wanted to talk to us. We returned the call but Mommy was asleep. Then Monday was a busy working day…I/Brack didn’t call her. Tuesday at dawn, we were shocked to hear Mommy passed away. I regret not being able to speak to her one last time. I wonder what’s she’s going to tell me. I owe Mommy a lot…she was a good parent…I owe her Brack, she raised him well. She made my married life special. I love her more for this. Now I have these moments that I wanted to call her and hear her voice, her laughs, her showbiz updates, but she's gone far away. I just miss her so bad.

MOMMY

Today is the day we celebrate you
For all the love, care, and prayers
The special way you touched our hearts
No woman could have done more

Though you're not here to hear us say
We're truly blessed that we had you
And though it's hard to let you go...
We wish you joy in your new home.

(Zarah 02/08/07)

Her breath I breathe...

She had me when she was 18; I can’t imagine what pain I caused her even before I breathe my first air outside her womb, delivered normally in a breach position…whew! I wouldn’t elaborate on the pains I caused her after my birth; I guess I also gave her happiness all those years. After all, Mama thinks I am loving and compassionate despite being authoritative and sometimes a nagger.

Today, Mama turned 60 and I sang “Happy Birthday” to her on the phone. I can’t well enough summarize how she meant to me so I just borrowed this quote from Washington Irving…this is exactly how she is to me...I love you Mama, for all that you are.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

You know it's true love when...

A young adult and his father on true love.

Son: Dad, I’d like to marry my girlfriend. I love her very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her as my wife.
Father: How do you know it’s true love?
Son: Well, it’s true love because when I was kissing her goodbye last night their dog bit my leg and I didn’t know about it until I get home. (this was part of last Sunday’s homily….)

February is commercialists month, the time of year when affection translates to many material things. Every year the same…dinners, flowers, diamonds, and...iphones…(upps not yet! Brack are you reading this? ‘just a heads up).

I don’t understand why men choose to express their feelings on Valentines day where everywhere is crowded, when prices are all jacked-up, flowers especially. Love can be expressed 365 days a year, I prefer it that way. I’m sure there are lots of women out there who prefer to be appreciated and loved every day of the year, not just on Valentines. Yet still, women are women…that’s why commerce rejoices…women loved getting gifts and flowers anytime of the year, specially Valentines, me included.

I remember last year Brack got me tulips. I kept asking how much it was and when he wouldn’t tell me, I told him he should have just given me the money instead. He was irritated and told me he will never again give me flowers. A few days ago while walking on the street with lovely roses sold at the sidewalks, I asked if he’s giving me flowers on Valentines, he said….”if there’s a good deal!” Hahaha!!! I truly love this man!

By the ways, February 2nd is National Wear Red Day. The day when Americans nationwide will wear read to show their support for women’s heart disease awareness. I’d like to wear read this day.

tech geeks' vigil

Christmas is my favorite holiday, it's not only for kids, it's also for moms, for everyone, for tech geeks like me. It is the time to receive (or buy - worst case, LOL) our dreamt electronic products. Fortunately for me, I got 3 of the items in my secret wish list (existed only in my mind - although obvious to Brack and the kids - yet they didn't get for me) as a gift. I got Discovery 655, the ultimate (so far as of this writing - soon passé I know) bluetooth headset . I got this wristlet the only non-electronic item I wished for...and dyarannnn! the bestbuy giftcards. What's so good about the bestbuy gift cards? I can use it for...the Wii, the cool Wii softwares...and this "life in your pocket" gadget that makes tech geeks vigilant until June - the iphone.

The proper artistic response to digital technology is to embrace it as a new window on everything that’s eternally human, and to use it with passion, wisdom, fearlessness and joy. Ralph Lombreglia

What a coincidence, I'm so tech every January...see my last year's January 4 entry :-)

what's in a name?

Baptized Maria Elizarah, I learned I am also Elizabeth when I’m asked to turn-in my birth certificate as a college-graduation requirement. From grade school to high school to college, it was a big adjustment to change names, even if it’s just the first name. To reconcile the records, I turned to older relatives for an affidavit under oath that I am the same person and distributed copies to those concerned.

But despite the switch of first names, I opted to keep my nickname personally and professionally. Even my firsts and last sets of business cards in the Philippines was “Zarah.” When I came to the US everybody was calling me Elizabeth, others Liz, and a few others Lizzie despite my repetitive requests to call me by my nickname. So my old nickname is now history.

I have been “Sweetheart” since Brack and I started going out for until I had Abraham, it was replaced by “Mommy.” Not that I don’t want to be called one, trust me, it’s always a pleasure to hear the kids call me Mommy. Brack calls me Zarah on very limited occasions, one is when he is mad or irritated with me, but believe it or not, it’s still music to hear even if he’s in a bad mood. I don’t know, but I desperately love it when someone calls me by the name I grew up with, it is intimate. I could feel it’s me, just me and my own real person.

why i prefer Mcdonald's cookies

Yesterday, with the kids help, I baked my own chocolate chips cookies...

It was a disaster!

How to start the New Year right (my version)

I’m not really a New Year’s Resolution advocate but this year, hoping 2007 will be better, I have listed down my agendas. Although these are “me-specific”, who knows, one or two might be applicable to you.

1. A quiet welcome – for the past five years we celebrated the New Year at a relative’s house with everybody. This year, we initially planned to do the same but changed our minds the last minute. Instead, we bid goodbye to 2006 quietly with hugs, grapes, and a toss of sparkling cider, just the four of us. Such change is nice.
2. My eyes on the calendars – unlike the past years when I delayed the disposal of previous year's calendars, this time, I stashed the old ones promptly and hang the new ones right away. I’m not really superstitious but I heard from somewhere that doing so, you are giving the New Year an easy access and thereby things will come to you light and easy too.
3. I opted to simplify – simplification to me means removing the clutters and the excesses. The files, magazines, old clothes, accessories, and things I don’t use but still keep, need to go. I realized being sentimental takes up a lot of closet space. I’m sure Brack will appreciate this move.
4. I’m not perfect – and since I’m not, this year I promise to forgive people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt me in the past. I maybe one of the most understanding and caring women you’ll ever know but I hold grudges. And now I have decided to move on and let go of these negative emotions I’ve been keeping inside. Whether or not I’ll succeed in flushing it all out completely, at least, I'll try, and I’ll start.
5. I’ll stretch – which means two things: (a) physical stretch which I really need after feasting on the holiday menus, and (b) exercise more patience and tolerance. I commit to be more resilient. I’ll learn to accept things and people as it is/they are and not how I wanted it/them to be. Will definitely try to be more calm and grateful and not comparing.

So, these plus a couple more tiny things I will embrace starting immediately. Wish me luck!

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.~Oprah Winfrey

why we don't have time machines

If I had gotten hold of a time machine three weeks ago, I would have traveled back in time and did a rewind. This is because I have been frustrated and depressed at how some things didn’t turn out the way I expected it to be. I’m generally good at keeping myself calm and composed, but recent circumstances and cosmic coincidences required more than Brack’s TLC and support. Thank God for mothers who come in really handy. So there I was, with tears and matching sobs, I vented out to my mother on the phone, overseas, for almost three hours. By the time we finished the line-burning talk, the heavy heart was gone replaced by swollen eyes.

That was three weeks ago…

Now, if I ever get lucky to bump into a time machine, I’d like to travel through time and do a fast forward. But I guess, even if physics would agree to the possibility of time machines, I don't think these machines will see daylight.

Imagine this equation:
Women (a fickle-minded creature) + Time Travel = ???

Imagine what a world it would be...

Ha!ha!ha! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Time hasn’t stopped for any troubles, heartaches, or any other malfunctions of this world, so please don’t tell me it will stop for you. C.S.Lewis

From our home to yours

The spirit of the Lord
bless you and yours
with the present of peace
this holiday season.

americangreetings

the best gift of all!

a teen is born...

A few days more and it’s exactly thirteen years now when my neighbors gone frantic upon learning my placenta had broken the morning before Christmas. Everybody seemed to be involved, everyone was rushing me to go to the hospital while I’m still enjoying my bath. “I’m having goose bumps, you’re having a baby boy for Christmas,” said our teary-eyed family friend.

Twenty-six hours of labor and my OB-Gynecologist decided for me to undergo what my mother completely dread, the C-Section. She is so terrified of the procedure that she often reminded me to control my food intake while infanticipating so that the baby won’t grow much bigger and that I’ll have no difficulties to deliver normally. Little did my mother know I am more frightened of having a normal birth than CS, scared enough that my cervix, despite regular contraction won't dilate to the last minute, thus had me lying at the operation table instead of the delivery bed.

18 minutes after opening, the baby was out.

A boy was born on Christmas day, with skin as bright as the sun and lovely gray eyes awed by his visitors. For a while we thought he was lucky to inherit the genes of his great, great, British Spanish grandfather who had not gray eyes but blue, until his fourth month, his eyes turned light brown. Gray or light brown it doesn't matter, we're still captivated.

The baby now a teen had grown taller than us but still a baby in many ways. He still loved to hear my stories of him when he was just learning to talk and walk. He recently attended an eight-day sex education seminar in school and when asked how it was, responded, “It’s weird!”

Still very much into his Yugi-oh cards, Abraham is fond of Simpson, Naruto, and video games. He is thoughtful and sweet but sometimes rough and irritable, willful in some instances but manageable. He is kind of jovial which is sometimes irritating especially when he transforms a serious conversion into a joke, but we since have learned to tolerate and enjoy because it’s his comfortable way of expressing himself.

Nevertheless, you cannot discount his care and concern for us, and for his brother. He would see me through the window until I drove-off to make sure I’m safe. He worries when his Dad is not home by 8 pm. One thing he most love to do is pat Lemuel's hair which he said he will continue doing until they grow old. Baam amuses us at how fast he assembles toys or installs/operates eletronic gadgets even without the manual. He loves to run. He loves the subject i hated most, Mathematics.

I could go on and on but I guess what I wanted to say really is, I am blessed to experience all these.

Happy Birthday to you Abraham! More power to our Fact Wizard! We hope you'll be as you dreamed of, making your in-flight announcement as - "This is your Captain speaking..."

Before you were conceived, I wanted you
Before you were born, I loved you
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you
This is the miracle of life. Maureen Hawkin

third in a row...but shall return

Two of my closest friends at work said goodbye a few months ago. Another one is going, the Princess from Ivory Coast whom I loved to call daughter, is bound for Madrid, today.

Frieda introduced me to the books of Shel Silverstein. Whenever the poem “The Prayer of a Selfish Child” comes my mind, it is her I remember. She came to the company as a fresh graduate from UCLA. She is multi-literate in several languages, English, French, German, their native language (which I kept forgetting what it’s called), and soon Spanish, which is the reason she’s flying to Spain, to study.

Frieda is almost two decades my junior but we get along really well. I guess because we’re on the same wavelength despite the big age gap. Like me, she is also a tech-gadget geek, maybe more than I am. She changes her IPOD as frequent as Apple releases their newest model. Her digital camera? Conservatively twice a year, or so…

We spent quite a lot of time together in the office but the ones I remember most are the fun we had during our few gigs.

Watching a movie or a stage play is more fun when you go with Frieda. She’s got so much life in her and you could feel the genuineness of her laughs. I love the way she laughed, very much.

Driving and getting lost on your way can be fun too, but only when you’re with Frieda. When someone’s being rude to her, she would ask me to be rude with that person too, ha!ha!ha! No one’s more natural than her.

There were times I would email her in French trying to impress her but I gave up, languages are not for me, only for Frieda.

When she called an hour before her flight departs for Spain, I began to miss her badly…then I wrote this blog.

P.S. She is coming back next summer so the fun continues :-)

With true friends...even water drunk together is sweet enough. Chinese Proverb

sleepless nights...(surviving insomnia)

For as long as I remember, I have been suffering from insomnia since the final three months of senior high school. I recall going to bed with a small AM/FM radio beside my pillow hoping that music will put me to sleep, but to no avail. Most of the times I would stay awake browsing through different frequencies as the radio programs goes-off the air one by one. The time I hear the Philippine National Anthem played by the early morning radio programs, is the time I start to drowse and eventually fall asleep.

The incident that I didn’t sleep for two consecutive nights prompted my grandmother to bring me to the family doctor. I was prescribed a non-habit forming sleeping pill that I would take only whenever I am finding it hard to find that precious sleep (evidently every night, during that time). Because of fear of not waking up, or sleeping directly to eternal rest, the pills ended up expiring in the cabinet while I struggled to live with the discomfort.

Insomnia to me is a disaster and a semi-serious disorder although most would claim; it is not a disorder in its own right. So, for years, I remained awake up to wee hours in the morning and would force myself to sleep when I hear the neighbor’s rooster crow. It’s like I descended from Dracula’s line that I am so terrified of sunlight making sure I’m asleep before the sun peeps out the sky. Fortunately, there were afternoon sessions in my college, I was able to carry-on with my studies without much hardships. I start at 2:30 and finish at 8:30 pm everyday. I wake up at 10:00 everyday, except for Sundays when we go to church, my aunt would literally pull me out of bed at 6:30 am to be able to attend the 8:30 mass.

I managed to move on with this sleeping habit for years, not having to feel the side effect until I worked with HEPC, a Japanese manufacturing company at the Cavite Export Processing Zone. Japanese people are so disciplined you can expect them to be at work early all the time despite a long goodtime the night before, or lack of sleep for that matter. My good friend Debbie (well she is not yet a good friend that time, LOL, I love you Debbie! Miss you too!), then our HR manager, put me on a one-week suspension without pay because of habitual tardiness. This was after serving me with two written warnings, and who knows how many, verbal warnings. After this budget-wrecking punishment, I tried my very best to get up and swipe my badge at 8 am despite the lack of sleep.

Not only did I suffer from insomnia, I also have an unpleasant habit of sleeping with my eyes only half-closed. My mother and Brack observed. Gross or scary? It’s like you would want to put two big coins on my eyes in an effort to shut them. Sounds familiar? It’s what they do to people who died with their eyes open, hahahaha!!! But time passes; people change intrinsically and react environmentally. While I still at times have problem remaining asleep for the duration of the night, I think insomnia (after living within for two decades) finally said goodbye to me for the last ten years at least, thanks to child rearing, I guess.

Now, I can make sleep without extra effort, my eyes shut and my mind drifts to quietness as soon as my back touches the bed. Thus this morning’s conversation:

Husband: You were sleeping soundly last night.
Wife: Am I really? How did you know?
Husband: I watched you sleep.
Wife: Aren’t you scared?
Husband: Why should I?
Wife: To see me sleeping with my eyes only half-closed.
Husband: Oh no. I haven’t seen that happen to you anymore. Your eyes were totally shut-off. Like the other night I woke up at dawn and watched you sleep, I just forgot to mention that yesterday morning. You looked so beautiful in your sleep, just like sleeping beauty.
Wife: Smiled at husband :-) (awww! It must be love)

No soda on weekdays

Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and french fries, perfect match for soda! But when I asked, “Who wants soda?” Lemuel replied, “I can’t have soda on weekdays.” “What? Why can’t you have soda on weekdays?” I asked back. “Because Daddy said so,” was Abraham’s quick response. “Oh, I didn’t know that. Since when did he tell you that?” After which, I kept my words to myself and smiled secretly in admiration of Brack’s effective implementation of a rule I never even noticed was observed in the house for a long time now.

I also laid-out some rules but I feel like I have to remind the kids time and again about the rules for them to abide. How come Brack’s were carried-on even when he’s not around to implement it?

I lived with rules too, hundreds of it, when I was growing up. I may have not appreciated most of it then but I treasured it deeply as I transformed into adulthood. As a matter of fact, I feel fortunate that I grew up under the care of a very strict grandfather, for his rules made me see life deeper and differently than most young people do. And while I have yet to discover the secret beneath his’ and Brack’s apt parenting style, I am satisfied that the kids are adjusted to following rules without rebelling. It feels good they are developing one of life’s most important virtues – RESPECT.

Even if they say you miss the fun by obeying rules, I still believe rules are essential to men. Zarah Dizon

pouring-out sentiments

There are times in our lives when we experience conflicting emotions...

This simple eight-liner poem is a semi-finalist in the 2006 International Poetry Contest. A spur of my moment...

Conflicting situations

There are times I miss you

Other times I abhor you

What I feel is so confusing

Taxing my mind and body

Hang on or let go

Forward or backward

In the middle I remain

Won't dare to know

...originality, creativity, imagination, characterization, artistic quality, adherence to line limits, or universal appeal? whatever the judges thought the written words above might have, for me it's just one thing...a releeeassssse....

(grabbed the editor's choice award for unique perspective and original creativity 11/28/2006)

a picture paints a thousand words...

While strolling the fascinating shores of La Jolla last Saturday, my attention was caught by these two couples, appealed more interesting to me than the graceful seals by the children's pool. Two pairs with their backs fronting the camera, left me with questions, what are they thinking? What are they talking about?

I flashbacked 14 years when Brack and I, because of a set-up by our friends at work, spent a day at the very comely Caylabne Bay Resort just by ourselves instead of being with a group of six. We sat infront of the beach just like these two couples below and watched the school of fishes enjoyed their swim up and down the wavy waters. We talked the whole day, took pictures, and basically lazed until the sun came down. We were not even involved with each other that time, Brack haven't even displayed any intention of courting me. But blame it on this intensely captivating paradise, after sunset, by the time we reached flatlands, we were already so much in love. So shy that we're not supposed to be falling in-love on our first supposedly group date, we just bid each other a casual goodbye. Of course my nights have never been the same after that day, and like a whirlwind, we were committed to each other the following month. What a marvelous feeling it is to relive unforgettable memories like this. All because of an afternoon stroll at La Jolla.

How immeasurably nature bind people, match their feelings and make them one...so peculiar, so special. Zarah Dizon

TWO much goodbyes

I don’t exactly remember how we started to be close but there’s one incident that made me see how considerate my blonde officemate is.

Three years ago, marketing and licensing share the same room at our old office in Roosevelt. Mariah is from marketing and I do licensing. One day she approached me, “are you scared of cockroaches?” “Yes I am. In fact I am scared of everything that crawls.” What I didn’t know that time was, a big roach was there beneath my desk, around my leg area and Mariah noticed it and told everybody in the room about it except me. No wonder they were all laughing as Mariah asked me that question. She waited until I got-off my desk and left the room before getting rid of that big roach. There were lots of them in that old building (the same building where most of the shots in Spiderman 2 were filmed) because the tenants at the lowest level were either cafés or convenient stores. When I returned, she told me about the roach and I asked why she didn’t tell me at once, and she said she doesn’t want to freak me out. What a nice gesture! I mean nowadays such is rare. Even friends and family would put you up into something for a laugh…I mean not in bad way but…yes.

From then on, Mariah and I became good friends at work. She is a very good listener and adviser; this is despite the fact that I am much older than her. She’s got patience listening to my stories and experiences. Most of all, she’s an excellent movie critic. We both have Netflix and regularly I would ask her for good movies and I liked her recommendations, she usually classifies them as: this is what’s good for you and your husband; good for you; good for your husband; and of course, those good for the kids. She’s a graphics designer and a couple of times I would ask her help with my picture layouts, company stationery (she custom made one for me), colors for my EDGAR tables (HTML files), and many other extras.

Mariah is so easy to be with, straight, and simple. She is most lovely when she is blushing red. She is one of the few full-blooded whites who loved Filipino food, even her preference of spaghetti sauce had switched from the American-Italian style to the sweet tasting Pinoy sauce with hotdogs. I told her, she crossed over, and I appreciate her more for it. Last week, she moved to the clean air of Portland…

Almost a year ago today, my boss told me someone’s going to help me with my department’s load. He said this person’s sort of not challenged with her present duties and looks for more interesting tasks, like those in licensing. Perfect timing, I said to myself, as that time, upcoming projects and current ones were pushing for the same deadlines.

Fera is a natural beauty, young, ambitious, and willing to learn. Step by step I taught her the expectation and routines of the department. Some she got fast, some took time. Work wise, there were times we had friction, but beyond work, we became the closest of co-workers, sharing each other’s daily happenings, worries (we both are worriers and she is my younger version), sentiments about life, politics, our countries of birth, marriage, careers, money, and almost every other topic under the sun. Fera, like Mariah, is so accommodating and treat her friends well.

She saved the last hugs for me…my make-up washed with tears. She relocated to Flagstaff with her fiancée…a month before Mariah left.

Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends. Richard Bach

friends and birthdays

To Norman and Mariah...

Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we’ll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end. Richard Bach

To Debbie...

The more things change, the more they remain the same. Alphonse Karr

To Kristine...

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown

To Lorie...

"You're not getting older, you're getting better."
-- Unknown

IN SUMMARY, TO ALL:

Believing hear, what you deserve to hear: Your birthday as my own to me is dear...But yours gives most; for mine did only lend Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend.~Martial

Days of gloves and apron (a mother's back to school experience)

The kids have just started a new school year, Abraham is now a 7^th grader and Lemuel is in 5^th grade. So far, both enjoyed being back in school after a 3-month break. They had to change from a year round track to a traditional track that is why they had an extra month of rest. For them, it was a long summer filled with long and short trips, lots of e-games, DVD, and TV hours. We let them enjoy their vacation to the fullest but from time to time reminded them of the house rules once they go back to school. A typical school week in our household is:

• No TV, video, or computer games from Monday to Thursday. Leisure activities start Friday night to end on Saturday night.
  

• Bed time strictly at 10 PM, up time is exactly 6:15 AM, without extension.
  

• Home works are priorities and free hours will be spent on advance readings of class lessons or reading a book from the California Reading List of their level.

Aside from $5 for every “A” mark at quarter's reporting period, we recently implemented a new incentive for reading. A dollar for every book finished with at least ten vocabulary words and its meanings written on a sheet of paper after reading. As of this writing, Lemuel, the more enthusiastic reader, had finished four books for the week. He earned $4 plus lots of hugs and kisses from Mommy.

Abraham showed a big improvement too, aside from his 3.667 GPA last semester, he showed more enthusiasm doing his home works, he is also more obedient and inquisitive in a good sense.

Maybe this is because they/we had a very good summer that they/we can still savor every moment of it, it was exciting and relaxing at the same time. We treasure the experience and somehow made an agreement that we will try our best to keep the momentum and maintain a peaceful and harmonious atmosphere at home despite them being back to school. The children promised to cooperate. So for over a week now, both Abraham and Lemuel keep up with the family schedule and sticked to the rules. A far cry from the scenario we had last school year, and the neighbors are enjoying it most. And although they missed hearing my voice in the mornings and at night, I’m sure they still prefer silence. I/we hope this set up stays for until the end of the school year – forever is better.

What is really “Back to School” for a working mom like? These are the days when my electronic gadgets are replaced by the phenomenal gloves and apron. As soon as I park the car, no time to change clothes, I hit the kitchen and prepare food for the following day, for today’s breakfast and dinner were prepared the other day. Dinner is served shortly, pans, plates, glasses washed afterwards.

Back to school means getting up at 5 AM to reach the office the earliest possible time and leave the soonest possible time too. Back to school is mothering on a tight schedule, as I put it. It also means not having to worry about putting-on weight despite overeating because the carbs will be burned naturally by running to the office parking lot each afternoon, which is two blocks from the building by the ways, because Abraham is already waiting at his school’s parking lot. And I should be there sooner, for my cell phone will keep on ringing every five minutes. Challenging, yes, but mothers are made to endure anyways, I enjoy school days actually, and I love being of service to my children. Back to school is challenging for fathers too – I’m sure they have their own story to tell…

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacation less class. Anne Morrow Lindbergh

if we had a girl...

we should have named her MARIA VERONICA, her nickname will be Nikk...just maybe she will look like this baby... adorable...but then, two is enough for us, and we're too much happy having two boys :-)

Suri Cruise

wonderings and wanderings

When Brack woke me up a few minutes before six a.m. I asked him when can we have a vacation that all we'll do is sleep and eat. He told me, "Not now, when we retire, for now, you have to get up because we have a lot to cover today." Although in slight somatic distress from the eight hours road trip from Los Angeles to San Francisco the day before, I acquiesced and took a quick shower. After the continental breakfast at the Hotel, we're off the road. It was a day of bridges...Golden Gate Bridge is the most popular of all, Bay Bridge is the longest at eight something miles, but the San Mateo/Hayward Bridge awed me much. It's a mixed prodigious and tranquil moment I had crossing it. I could elucidate but I chose not to, rather urge you to visit San Mateo, cross the bridge, feel it, and experience that feeling.

I stand on a bridge of one span and see this calm act, this gathering up of life, of spring water and the Muse gliding...Denise Levertov

Brack said I cook well, the children agree, but my clam chowder seemed inferior to the clam chowder served with sourdough bread at the Fisherman's Wharf. Downtown San Francisco with its narrow hilly and crooked roads is so alive with people and stores, not like Downtown Los Angeles which seemed like a ghost town on weekends.

Northern California is enticing; I'm zealously looking forward to my next visit.

That was last week...

Saturday night, Abraham and I were here...

The American Idol Summer Tour at the Staples Center

Sunday, we were here...and there...

Coronado Island, Old Town San Diego, Balboa Park, Seaport Village

And if you've watched "Last Days on Earth" tonight like we did and heard the smartest men of science talk on the final days of the planet and how humans will be extinguished, you might slow down and decide to smell the flowers. You wouldn't expect to hear scientists saying something of this effect, "look for love because it'll be very difficult for someone not to have someone to hold onto when that time comes." A lot of people were asked on what they'll do and what's important to them when the final day comes...there were a lot of answers...but one word was mentioned the most...family.

We're just glad, our wonders and wanders, gave us these bonding moments...















...even this duck wanted to bond... it walked towards Abraham and Lemuel several times, seemed to enjoy being photographed. Abraham enjoyed taking pictures, Lemuel wanted to hug it.

...reaching for the world, as our lives do, as all lives do, reaching that we may give, the best of what we are and hold as true...Philip Larkin

(Click on each picture for a larger view, then click Back icon to return to the blog)

a thousand things...Part 2

…running here and there. So much to do for a body and mind undergoing midlife transformation (or crisis? LOL)…just seemed to be lacking time, rushing and constantly stressed. I need to talk to a neutral person…and hear what she or he might say about this totally mind boggling changes. And how do you know you're in that stage actually? assume that you're going to live until 80 and by 40 you are in your midlife? hahaha!!! I am not an actuarian, nor a mortality expert...just a thought.

Will be back after this road trip to Frisco :-)

Birthday Vanities

They say that if you want to stay young, you should lie about your age. Much as I want to, I was so vocal of my age before that it’s too late for me to lie about it this time. Better yet, I’ll just stop counting for I did, celebrate another birthday last month. Upside? Wisdom and experience, I’m a year wiser. Downside? Eye cream, night cream, moisturizers, and every other product I am used to seeing my mother use are now occupying most of my dresser space. Scary…

What’s with birthdays anyways? A week of treat. This is what I like in Uncle Sam’s country. If it’s your birthday, you can expect to have lunches, dinners, and treats without shedding-out a single cent. Very much different with how birthdays are celebrated in the Philippines – its either you throw a party at your home or take your friends and family someplace to have a good time, in both cases however, you most probably will pay for it.

Kristine started my birthday week with a lunch at Pasta Primavera.

The day of my birthday was a Pirate party at AON Center.

Friday was lunch with good buddies in Accounting Department, again Pasta Primavera.


Weekend was a buffet with family and relatives.

Speaking of birthdays, I share birth month with a close friend from high school – igan Bu. I haven’t seen her since the high school reunion in Cavite City, our hometown, in 2000. Bu came to the west coast for business and we got to see each other in Long Beach. Imagine the scene at Westin’s Room 946? Loud? Nope! Worst!!! It was a night of flattery and complementing each other by saying…”Igs, maganda ka pa din!” (Friend, you’re still beautiful!) “Ikaw din igs!” (You too Friend!) Not only that, Brack had to stand at different corners of the restaurant just to get the best angle of us, trying hard to hide the undesirable fats. What do you expect from certified vain people anyways?

But it’s not all vanity; they say too that July-born women are more loving and caring than women of other birth months.

Here, look at igan's luggage-full of just purses and shoes, yes exclusive for just purses and shoes to use for a five-day business trip with matching pirate treasures…she has a big bag, or a chest, full of these thingies she calls “happiness.” Isn’t that loving and caring? Of oneself it is – and vanity is the right word. No matter how it started – it ends up to the V-thingy. Well…it’s our birthday – so just bear with us on this blog.
Igs, thanks for these lovely thingies on my ears and neck :-)

To me fair friend, you never can be old. For as you were when first your eye I eye'd, such seems your beauty still. William Shakespeare

P.S. Big hug and kisses to all my friends who remembered me on my birthday with their emails, ecards, phone calls, treats, and gifts :-)