Hands Off!

At this age, over the hills as they say here in the US, I felt I had enough experiences of life, of people. Unwise of me to have this kind of mindframe as the previous year had taught me, there is still much to learn. I've realized that age is not a number added but a new way of looking at things, a change of view perhaps.

My years of existence, the last fifteen specifically, had been the most colorful, blessed, and at the same time the most challenging years of my existence. A compound mixture of happiness, ups, downs, setbacks, accomplishments, etcetera. It is during these years that I developed my "too good to be true caring attitude". I must say, motherhood contributed a lot to this trait of mine.

Having genuine concern for people, I have been a shock absorber, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, but the thing I enjoyed most is giving out advises. It feels so good when people asks for your advise on something. Elated I am when my friend told me how happy she became when she took my advise on holding on to her relationship. And another, who got promoted, when I shared my views on what I think will be better for her to pursue. And another...and another...it is an overwhelming feeling of happiness when they, whom I have given advises returns and say something like, "Salamat, kung hindi sa payo mo, di sana ako ganito kasaya ngayon" (Thank you, if not for your advise, I wouldn't be this happy now!).

The sad part is, of all those years that I have been sharing my thoughts with people and seeing the positive results, twice, i was misinterpreted. By two people (close to me at that), I was told - "Hands off!". From then, one of life's most important lessons, I've learned - DO NOT EVER - no matter how right you think you are, no matter how knowledgeable you are with the subject, no matter if you are very close or related to the person - GIVE OUT UNSOLICITED ADVISES.

"Hands off!" such a harsh remark, a real pain in the ear to hear, a struck in the heart, especially when you have only the purest of motives for the person.

Hurting as it is, it's still an experience which I'm adding to my years.

Living apart and at peace with myself, I came to realize more vividly the
meaning of the doctrine of acceptance. To refrain from giving advise, to refrain
from meddling in the affairs of others, to refrain, even though the motives be
the highest, from tampering with another's way of life- so simple, yet so
difficult for an active spirit. Hands off! Henry Miller