TIME and LAUGHTER

In tonight’s mass, our Pastor, in his homily, asked the congregation what they think is the best Christmas gift people can give one another. A girl said shelter. Indeed, is a really very good gift this season, considering a lot of people lost their homes to foreclosure, not counting those who are already homeless in the first place. Another said love is the best gift, to which our Pastor agreed and expounded on.

They are right, I think so too. Love is the best gift people can give one another. It is the beginning of everything good, but best as it is, I’d rather give it as a gift for Christmas, and I, receive the gift of time as a present. I’d be very grateful if the good Lord, on His birthday would bestow me the gift of time, a healthy long time to spend with family and friends.

The gift of laughter is another best gift for me. I want it for myself, for my loved ones, and for all the people in this world. When was the last time you laughed so hard it made you cry? It feels so good. I want more of those.

Okay, it’s your turn…

‘love my hair! (hope u love yours too!!!)

I should be blogging about “Christmas” my most favorite occasion of all and how amazingly excited and calm I am, just listening to Christmas songs on the radio, but I can’t pretend to write happy when deep inside I am sad.

Last weekend, I attended a memorial service for my friend’s husband who lost his battle with leukemia. Today, Elizabeth Edwards succumbed to cancer. Although I have very limited emotional attachment to my friend’s husband and none at all to Elizabeth, I am saddened by their passing and at the same time, scared for myself. Being cancer-free for two years doesn’t give me any guarantee that the dreadful disease won’t come back. In effect, I am more paranoid than sad, when I hear people dying of cancer. But like every other person in this world, with or without cancer, our lives must go on, and we must not stop existing until called to rest.

Mrs. Edwards spoke of her struggles fighting the disease, including the depressing feelings she had when she lost her hair. Two years ago, I was a lonely bald woman receiving treatments too. It was December when I pretended to be well and went shopping like other people do. It was windy and the cold moist air messed up my wig, strands stacked in chunks, and impossible to fix. Without a brush, which I forgot at home, I told my husband to follow me to the door of the women’s restroom, and with onlookers, we separated the strands slowly, very careful not to pull-off the wig from my head. It was embarrassing. In the store, I can’t try-on the clothes I selected; scared of scrambling my wig again, I ended up leaving the clothes behind. It was doubly depressing to watch the other women shoppers who can fit as many clothes they want and enjoy the wind outside. I don’t regret they are well and I’m not, I envy they have hair and I don’t.

Hair? It’s just cosmetics. But when you are already sick and don’t look good at the same time, it’s major. This is just one of the many challenges of cancer patients. Something well people wouldn’t understand.

My hair is back, it is long, thick and wavy as it was before and I appreciate it more than ever. It’s bizarre; I am so thankful to God and so happy just having hair.

Cooking for the heart

After dinner last night, my younger son saw me in front of the PC and teased me that I’m blogging about my latest kitchen gadget, the Pizza Oven. Actually I was about to, but lost the desire since he forestalled my idea so I just went downstairs and reran one of my favorite movies on the DVD player. I said I’ll just blog tomorrow when the kids are in school.

Tomorrow is today. I watched the morning news as usual then switched channels to EWTN for the Daily Mass. As soon as the mass started, I got a call from my friend Kristine. Kris was in tears as she told me Jeff, her husband passed away. She is the second friend who lost a husband this year. My other friend, Lori, lost Tommy in July. Kristine found a best friend in Jeff. Lori found a great companion in Tommy. They hurt deeply. I feel their pain.

I cried with Kristine on the phone but soon after we hanged-up, I said my rosaries for Jeff and head to the kitchen. I am not really planning to cook anything as I have stocked-up pizzas in the fridge because of my excitement with the Pizza Oven, but felt I have to. I must do something I love doing to brighten up my mood. I need to stay positive. So I went through the vegetable bin, the overhead cabinet, and started to create a meal.

I ended up making ham fried rice and vermicelli tomato chicken and clam soup. A soup that is not on any cook book, it is a recipe I created, today. I realized cooking not only brings-out creativeness but also lightens up a heavy heart.

'been there

A foreign body in my eye took me to the Ophthalmologist at Kaiser. The eye doctor is in the same building, only one level below the Oncology Department which is in the 8th floor. There is only one hallway that served passage to four elevators so you’ll get to stand in this hallway or ride the elevators with patients going to oncology or to the other floors in the building.

Oncology patients are easy to spot, they usually wear hats, nice earrings, as in the case of female patients, looked pale, and had this sadness in their eyes. Sadness, that only those in the same situation or had experience the same, could decipher. The people who were getting chemotherapy in the 8th floor, I rode the elevator with them last Thursday. A ride that took me back in time. I’ve been there…

That 8th floor had been an important part of my life. I am in mixed emotions whenever I recall the years I spent there as an out-patient. I’m happy recalling the friendships I made with the nurses, the staff, and my doctor, who then reached time for retirement and transferred my care to a younger colleague, but there was also a pinch of pain I feel in my arms and hands whenever the needle pokes of the treatment and the blood works, comes to my mind.

Visiting this floor for two years allowed me to experience how holidays were observed (I used observed because it is more appropriate than “celebrate,” at least when you are in this floor) in a fragile environment filled with people in pain or suffering. I saw them change decors from Halloween, to Thanksgiving, then to Christmas, occasions which healthy people look forward to, but is just an ordinary day, perhaps another lonely day, for people hooked to chemo machines and tied in bed. I was once one of them and this experience is stacked in my head, but it was temporary.

I wanted to reach-out to the people I rode the elevator with last Thursday and tell them that better days are coming their way soon. I wanted to erase and clear the sadness in their eyes, just like how the eye drops cleared the foreign body in my eye.

The Children's Books (guilt of a working mother)

The problem with cleaning our “dead stock” cabinet (this is the open rack of paper materials from our past) is that it sparks guilty feelings in me. Why because, the stock were mostly children’s books I bought when we just migrated to Los Angeles and had no time to read to the kids because I spent more time on overtime works, or studying courses in line with my job.

Those fine books could have enriched my children’s knowledge or attached them more to reading than being hooked with the computer. Had I known then what I knew now, I wouldn’t be overly concerned of providing for my children’s material needs. I could have spent longer time reading books to them and they’ll have more stories from me to remember.

Now I have the time and know what is more important, I long to read to my children, but they won’t let me, they think it's lame. They are now teens starting to evolve in their own worlds. And because I couldn’t turn back the hands of time, I’ll just hold on to the books, until the time my children have their own children and I’ll volunteer to read to them.

Cooking and my Grandparents

I started to cook at fourteen. Back then, my mother, my two siblings and I, live at my grandfather’s house together with my mother’s younger siblings. My grandmother was a very good cook. She doesn’t follow any recipes, she just knew it. In the afternoons, coming home from school, I would catch her make dinner. Instead of doing my homework, I would seat by the kitchen table and watch her sauté, mix, pour, and every other thing which makes a good meal. I come close near the stove so fascinated at how the raw ingredients turn into delicious dishes.

My grandma doesn’t taste what she cooks, so she would ask me to taste it for her and tell her what I think so even if I don’t know a thing about mixtures, I just give her my feedback based on my taste buds, and excellent buds I have, I could tell her if it lacks salt, pepper, etc. Later I realized, my grandmother brought out the natural cook in me through this very good exercise, tasting the meals as it is being prepared. So, not long enough, I told my grandma, I’d like to cook and our roles were reversed she is now tasting the food I make. But like what I said, she was a very good cook, so it is harder to please her, than please me when I was the critic. Thanks to my grandfather who encouraged me to continue and would argue with my grandma on my behalf to be just thankful that someone is taking over her chore. True enough, if not for my taking over, my grandma would keep on cooking for up to forever because no one in the family did, not my mother, or her other siblings who can’t even fry a fish.

So then, beginning at my sophomore year in high school, and up to the time I turned 21, the year my grandmother passed away, also the year we moved out of my grandfather’s house, I was designated the official cook of the family.

I am passionate about cooking; it brings out my creativity, weird that I find it entertaining. I am so grateful for having such wonderful grandparents who awakened the love for cooking in me. One taught me, one encouraged me.

Carly and Meg

Both are business leaders, both have money, and both have lost in yesterday’s election. I am not really a politics watcher or a politics expert. I am just a common person who thinks that Carly and Meg could have won using common sense.

The country is plagued with debt; the economy is in life support. People don’t have jobs; have lost their homes, and having a hard time to survive the day to day living. How in the world could they relate to the two billionaires? People knew Carly and Meg have money, tremendous amount of money. Something that people don’t have or couldn’t have in this dimmed reality called recession. Why would they vote for them?

Carly’s predetermined success during the early race for the Senate seat against Barbara went to trash when the democrat’s advertisement hit the tubes in the last three weeks. The one which showed Carly laid-off 30,000 HP employees and shipped California jobs to Asia. This killed her senate dream. This made a very strong impact to people considering the current 14% unemployment rate in California.

As a common people applying common sense, I think Carly could have responded to the same negative advertisement and use it to her own advantage. She should have emphasized that she was a very loyal and dedicated CEO who at that time was only thinking of the welfare of HP, the company she served. That had she not done so, HP would not thrive and continue to remain one of the money-earning companies in the US. But people don’t know this, kudos to the democrats who thought of this commercial, people only knew about the lay-off and the outsourcing of jobs.

Carly’s reply-to advertisement should contain that her tested loyalty and dedication are now geared for the benefit of California, the State she would serve, and that Californians would emerge successful and strong, like HP, in the end. She might have a senatorial seat by now.

As to Meg, the undocumented maid she fired cost her $142 million. Whew!!!

Ready, Set, Go!!!

This is not a picture from a bike store. These are our bikes, and we're ready for summer! I love LA!!!

Back to basics

Catching up with technology is like catching the wind, which is why I opted to go back to basics for my anniversary gift. I passed on the iPad for a little more pricey Dahon Mariner. This one doesn't need apps, works without electricity, and lets me enjoy the wind :-)

on and on...

enjoying ALL IS FAIR...the sound that fills my car and my house...climbing on top of itunes at 1st day of release...How nice!!!

Pieces of me

Its spring break again and like most mothers I enjoy this calm week, even if my boys are so focused with their laptops and can’t talk to them that much, I’m okay. I don’t blame the boys when they laughed-it-off as I told them I am more relaxed when they are at home, with me, than when they are at school or someplace else. They wouldn’t understand. It is a feeling only parents, particularly mothers, experience.

If you have children, pieces of you are scattered. Your heart and mind are divided equally to each child and parts go with them wherever they might be. Like pieces of me attends Middle School while some goes to High School. Wherever my boys are, they bring parts of me with them. My heart and mind comes to wholeness only when they are back, with me.

That’s why I like this spring break, short as it is, it anchored me. I’m whole, even if temporary. Until they find their own homes in the future which I hope not sooner :-)

the promises we made

How time flies…it seemed only yesterday when our kids are taking their first communion. Now both are teenagers and the eldest will soon receive the sacrament of confirmation. Two years in the religious education program, Abraham developed friendship with his fellow students and enjoyed serving in hospitality on Sundays at Church. Last week, he attended a 3-day retreat up in Pali Mountains in preparation for his confirmation; we wrote him this letter…

March 5, 2010

Dear Abraham,

Sixteen years ago, you were born to us on Christmas Day. From then on, we have always been thankful to God for your love, care, and your wisdom as a child.

You were baptized as a baby and have no understanding of the sacrament you received. This time, as you prepare to receive the sacrament of Confirmation, we pray that God’s love be present in your heart and mind to strengthen you as you move towards life.

Now, you have the capacity to understand that upon your confirmation, you will make your own promises before God about living as a Christian. Nobody’s perfect, but still try, to the best you can do, to be a good follower of Jesus Christ, and a good model of Christian faith in everything you do and in every decision you make.

May God Bless you and grant you enlightenment on your retreat.


Loving you always,

Daddy, Mommy, and Lemuel

In the spirit of lent, why not recall our own commitments and promises to God. Let’s walk towards the path to conversion.

This is indeed the time for fruitful sadness, for us to grieve
over the condition of our mortality, over temptations sweeping over us, sins
creeping up on us, greed of all sorts lining up against us, lusts always
quarreling and agitating against good thoughts; these are the things we should
be sad about.--Sermon 254, 4

BSA Adventure Base 100

One afternoon at the Boy Scouts of America's Adventure Base 100

up close and personal

Our longest walk (yet) for 2010 is not at all tiring with the 44 floats of the Tournament of Roses. Cameras were cross-firing amongst exhibits and spectators until we're called to hold our fires...the park is closed. You've seen it on TV but it's more amazing up close and personal.

Welcome 2010!!!